


That One Time With the Purple Dude...

by katydid77



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-10
Updated: 2013-01-10
Packaged: 2017-11-24 08:42:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/632543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katydid77/pseuds/katydid77
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For my friend Holly's Christmas present, I had "Becky" write her a fic. Holly is the biggest freak I know (love), so I told Becky to go all out.</p>
<p>Summary: Sam and Dean are on a case in the woods, then things get weird...</p>
            </blockquote>





	That One Time With the Purple Dude...

**Author's Note:**

> Heads Up: Guys, this fic is cracktastic. It is meant to be lighthearted, cracky, and fun. But there is a suprise, and it is kinky. Also, the rating is there for a reason. I feel I should add a tag, to warn people, but its meant to be a surprise. So just...heads up. Lol. Read on if you're still intrigued!!

That One Time, With the Purple Dude  
By: Becky  
Dedicated to: Holly 

Author’s Note: So, I don’t actually know this Holly girl, but a friend of mine said that she was a big fan, and that a fic from me would be a great Christmas present for her. So here you go, Holly! A happy little Christmas fic. Happy Holidays, fellow Wincestister!

 

Sam and Dean were on a new case. They had been brought to Clover, South Carolina by reports of some odd behavior…

First, there was the sexual stuff. We’re talking good girls going bad, nice guys not being so nice anymore. Not taking “no” for an answer… People who had been in loving, committed relationships for years, suddenly caught in the woods boinking the kid from down the street. Now, this would just sound like your average small town, soap opera crap, but here’s the thing. Afterward, they’ve all got this memory loss going on. Seems legit, but this wouldn’t be worth bothering with if that was all that was going on.

But then there’s the missing people. Of course there are missing people. Why wouldn’t there be missing people? Thing is, all the missing people seem like they were real douches. We’re talking about grumpy old men that won’t even buy their grandkids presents, bosses that never give raises, and people that never tip, ever. 

Sound like people that need saving? Dean didn’t think so either. But Sammy insisted it was something they needed to look into. So here they were, in the middle of the woods at night. Following a rainbow, because evidently it had been around for a long time. And that was weird. Evidently.

Yep.

So Sam and Dean had been walking in the woods for well over an hour looking for the end of the rainbow, assuming it had something to do with the problem. All of a sudden a man about a foot and a half tall popped out of the bushes in front of them. He’s dressed head to toe in green. On his head is a green top hat, with a brown belt around it. His skin is purple, his lower face is covered in a thick, red beard, and he has two curlicue locks just in front of his ears, which fall to just below his chin. 

“What the hell are you?!” Dean exclaimed in surprise.

“I’m a leprechaun, me boy!”

“Um. But you’re purple…” Sam pointed out in a confused voice.

“And you’re racist!”

“No, I just-“

“And what’s with the accent? That’s not Irish.” Dean said, cutting Sam off.

“Oh! So because I’m a leprechaun, I have to be Irish? So I suppose those are the only leprechauns around! Just because those horsts are careless and don’t think they have to hide, everyone thinks we’re all a bunch of alcoholic, jolly fools! I’m Hans Claus. And yes. I am a German Leprechaun. I’m also Orthodox Jew too. And I’m proud! All those Irish dreckskerls care about is having a good time.”

“Bur your hair is-“

“FICK DICH!” Hans exclaimed angrily, then released a monstrous sneeze right in Sam’s direction. Tiny blue particles filled the air briefly. Hans then seemed to disappear into thin air. 

Dean looked around for Hans, face contorted with adorable confusion. 

“Well that was bizarre. Guess he got sick of us. What Sam?!”

Sam had been running his hand up and down Dean’s arm for a minute now, so Dean finally turned to him to see why he was trying to get his attention. When he looked at his little brother, he saw that Sam’s face had gone blank, and he clearly hadn’t registered Dean’s question.

“Sam. What is up with you? Stop rubbing my-Cas! Where did you come from?!” Dean exclaimed in surprise when Castiel appeared in front of him.

“Heaven. I sensed your distress Dean. What is the problem?”

“I don’t know! There was this leprechaun. And he was purple. And German.-“  
“German?”

“German. And a Jew. And he got really angry, then he sneezed and left. Now Sam’s all weird.“

“Weird? How so?”

“Well just look at him, Cas. His face is all blank, and-Sam! That’s my ass! I mean, what the hell, Cas?” Dean began trying to push his brother away, to no avail.

“I don’t see how his behavior is odd. He is displaying all the typical behaviors of a human male experiencing arousal.”

“Arousal?!” 

“It is when an animal is stimulated-“

“Cas! I know what arousal is, and Sam’s not!”

“I’m sorry. Are you embarrassed? Is this not the way that you two typically do this?”

“If by ‘this’, you mean THIS, then no! Cos we don’t! We’re brother’s dude!”

“Ah, I forget about your modern social taboo’s. Is familial passion one of them?”

“Uh. Yeah!”

“Regardless, I assure you that Sam is indeed aroused.”

“What, can you smell it?” Dean sneered.

“Yes. But I was referring to his erection.”

“His what?!”

While Dean started to have a minor panic attack, and began pushing Sam away harder, Cas inhaled deeply through his nose.

“Sammy. Hey Sammy. Snap out of it, dude. You’re being weird. Cas what are you-get off my neck! Are you smelling me? Sam, where did your shirt go? What the fuck!”

Dean continued to attempt to fight his brother and Cas off, but rather than being held at bay, they seemed to be getting more and more enthusiastic. Sam was latched onto Dean’s side, mouthing the pulse point of his neck, and growling lowly in his chest, and Castiel was doing something with his fingertips on Dean’s shoulder blades, when Dean heard a car come to an abrupt stop close by.

Dean looked toward the noise, and saw Bobby (to the rescue!) step out. 

As Bobby got close, he took in the sensual scene in front of him, and clearly knew it was not one occurring of natural causes. His face scrunched in with bewilderment.

“Whatchu idgits gotten into this-“

Bobby inhaled deeply through his nose.

He strode purposefully up to Dean and pushed the other two men away from him. The surprise of this seemed to actually work on them for a second, and Dean felt his stomach unclench in relief.

“Oh thank fuck, Bobby. I don’t know what the hell is going on, but there’s a German leprechaun around here somewhere and I think if we can find him-“

Dean stopped talking as Bobby pushed both hands roughly up Dean’s chest and grabbed onto Dean’s shirt collar with both hands. Bobby looked up from his hands and locked eyes with Dean.

“But…you’re like a father to me..”

Bobby raised one eyebrow. “Then call me Daddy.” Bobby said as he proceeded to rip Dean’s shirt clean in half down the middle.

Upon seeing Dean’s newly bared chest, Castiel made a desperate sound in his throat and turned away from Dean, before pushing his bare shoulder blades against Dean’s chest. At the skin to skin contact with one of an angel’s most sensitive areas, Cas began to make mewling noises and rub himself all over Dean’s chest. 

Though Castiel had long since popped all his clothing off with his angel voodoo, Dean suddenly noticed that Sam wasn’t far behind, and Bobby with getting in on the crazy “lets get naked” plan, quickly. Suddenly, Dean felt a hand in his pants, reaching for his cock. Dean looked up the arm to find it attached to his brother. While he was busy trying to pull said hand out of his pants, Bobby managed to unzip and unbutton him. By the time Dean got Sam’s hand out of his underpants, Bobby and Cas were working together to get Dean’s pants and underwear past his knees. 

Panicking, Dean started desperately calling out for help from the only one he knew could help them at this point. 

“Hans! You German fuck! Get your ass back here! Where the hell did you go!”

Seventeen different facial expressions crossed Sam’s face.

“He’s here Dean. He’s right here.”

Suddenly, bagpipes started playing in the background.

“What the fuck?” a newly naked Dean exclaimed.

Dean then heard Hans’ voice again, but it was muffled, even though it seemed to be very close by.

“Since you know so much about leprechauns, I’m sure you’re familiar with the Irish Jig! I find the human prostate to be the perfect dance floor!”

Hans then began to sing a cheerful limerick.

“When I do my jig on that gland”  
What happens is something quite grand”  
“Along comes ole’ Suzy”  
“My dear she’s a doozy”  
“To lend all a helping hand”

In the distance, Dean saw a murky grey octopus, the color of dirty mopwater come slinking toward the group. Even if Dean had wanted to run, there were three pairs of hands holding him in place. Sam was the worst. The music was still playing, and the dance was clearly still going on. Sam was going nuts. He seemed to be out of his mind with arousal, writhing against Dean helplessly. Suddenly, Sam was jerked away from him. 

This would have been a relief, but Sam was snatched away by ‘Suzy’. She had him pressed against a tree, halfway up the trunk. One of her tentacles was undulating between Sam’s legs, and the other was pushing into his moaning mouth. 

Dean gasped in surprise and terror, and as he did so, he inhaled deeply through his nose. 

Dean felt his entire body go tingly and hot. His cock was suddenly hard as a rock, and he felt like he was going to die if he didn’t get off-right now.

He saw a tentacle coming for him, and knew he should be worried, but found that he wasn’t. As the tentacle wrapped around his middle, he was surprised by the velvety smooth, slightly slick texture of Suzy’s skin. As Dean felt that same tentacle enter him, he felt himself clench up in instinctual fear. He was surprised by how painless the intrusion was, however. The natural tapering of the tentacle made it give the perfect gradual stretch, so that it burned just enough. Once the tentacle had gone as far as his body would allow, the entire thing seemed to start quivering and undulating in place. One of the suckers was directly over Dean’s prostate, and with each wave of flesh, it seemed to lightly press into it, causing an indescribable sensation that dean could feel all over through his body. 

Dean felt like he was on the verge of orgasm for ages, he kept thinking the next movement would be what pushed him over, but it never did. It became hard to focus on anything but the pleasure coursing through his body. He felt himself zoning out, and knew this wasn’t something he wanted to happen, but couldn’t make himself care. Suddenly, he felt something brush his fingertip. 

He forced himself to look to his left, and saw that Sam was far worse off than he was, he head was thrown back in ecstasy, the veins of his neck were bulging, and his right hand was flailing around, clearly reaching for Dean. Dean didn’t hesitate, he grabbed his little brother’s hand tightly, and watched as he started to come apart. 

As the group started to be lost to the throws of mind melting orgasms, there was a slight ‘pop’ noise, which none of them heard. 

Gabriel normally ignored the hijinks the Winchesters got themselves into, as they always seemed to get themselves out of them just fine, but this time, even he was concerned by the amount of weird hitting his radar. He decided to check in on them.

Gabriel stood frozen by the scene taking place in front of him. 

“Yeah. Fuck this.” Gabriel said and he popped back out. Gabriel was about self-preservation.

A few seconds later, Gabriel popped back in with a gleeful smirk on his face. He pulled out a cellphone, snapped a picture, and popped right back out.

The men were slowly coming to their senses as they recovered when suddenly Suzy and the support she offered disappeared, leaving them all to fall to the ground from their various positions in the air.

Dean laid on the ground for a minute, just concentrating on getting his wind back. Then he realized he was naked. Covered in his own jizz. Next to Bobby, Cas, and Sam. Who were all also naked. And covered in jizz. Shit. 

Dean sat up and began awkwardly looking for his pants. He found them pretty quickly, said fuck underwear, and pulled them on. He found his shirt, only to remember it was destroyed. He used it to wipe his chest off (ew). 

As Dean pulled on his second shoe, he heard a gay, high pitched laughter in the distance. The bright rainbow above them, which, according to locals, had been there for weeks, started to twinkly brightly. All four men stood transfixed as they watched the rainbow slowly start to recede.

When the rainbow was completely gone, Dean looked around and saw three grown men, looking down at the ground tensely. Slowly, each of them looked up, and they all locked eyes for a second. 

“At least she was a girl.” Sam said.

“It was not.” Cas replied.

“But her name was Suzy!”

“Regardless. I assure you. He was very much male. If you could inspect the tenticle which was used in my mouth, you would find I am correct. 

Cas out. 

“Sonofabitch! I hate it when he just pops out like that!” 

Dean’s voice seemed to put everyone back into motion. Bobby pulled his pants up the rest of the way, grabbed a flask out of one of his boots, took a deep chug, grabbed the rest of his clothes, and walked back to his car, taking gulps from the flask the whole way. 

Dean awkwardly waited for Sam to finish getting dressed, making a point not to look at him.

Once they were both dressed, they walked through the woods, back to where Dean had parked the car. Neither said a word, and they both watched their feet the whole time. 

They reached the car, and they both had a hand on their door, when Sam decided to talk.

“Dean, I think-“

“Stop.”

“But-“

“No, Damnit!!” Dean shouted, as he slammed his fist on the roof of the car.

They both got in the car, and Dean started the engine.

As they went to buckle their seatbelts at the same time, their knuckles brushed.

Dean jerked his hand away and looked straight out the window as he started to drive. He ignored the kicked puppy look of confusion of hurt that Sam was throwing his way, until finally, Sam turned his whole body away from Dean as much as he could with the seatbelt restricting him, and stared moodily out his window.

After a few minutes, Sam tried one more time. 

“So we’re just not gonna say anything? I don’t even remem-“

Dean abruptly turned the radio on, and turned the volume up, effectively cutting Sam off. 

As “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” played on, a single tear ran down Dean’s left cheek.

The End

You are welcome, Holly.


End file.
